Stoners Guide: Discreet Ways to Smoke
I’m guessing you’ve clicked onto this blog for one of three reasons, one; you’re looking for a way to discreetly smoke. Two; you’re looking for a way to cover up the smell after you smoke or three; you’re looking for a discreet smell-free way to store your weed.
Well you’ve come to the right place. Today we’ll give you our top tips for staying in your parents/landlords/neighbours/housemates’ good books.
If you’re smoking at home, the first tip I would give you, would be to find a safe space outside to smoke. Out of all of the tips we will give you in this blog, the best way to smoke discreetly, is by smoking outside where there is a breeze to take your smoke away.
If smoking outside isn’t an option for you, perhaps you could smoke in the bathroom if it has a vented fan in the ceiling. A great way to stop the smoke from escaping the bathroom is to place a towel down against the bottom of the door. Top tip, if you decide to use this towel method at a hotel where you are not responsible for cleaning the towels, you can wet the towel before squishing it up against the door, this way the smoke will not smell as strong on the towel, it will just smell like wet towel infused with a tiny bit of smoke... but what housekeeper is smelling towels? At that point you could just be like... um nah I wasn’t smoking... and yeah maybe stop sniffing my dirty towels ya weirdo!? What the heck!
If you don’t have a vented fan in your bathroom, a good way to disguise the smell is by turning on the hot water in the shower to create a lot of steam, in fact this method is even more effective if you do have a vented fan on the ceiling but some might say it's overkill, I guess it depends on how paranoid you are.
A nice alternative to the vented bathroom fan is the rangehood in the kitchen. If you are skilled enough with your smoke aim, you can direct your smoke straight into the rangehood. I often use this method when I’m cooking up my dinner… who am I kidding, I use this method when I’m standing next to my boyfriend who is cooking us dinner.
If you have a window you can blow the smoke out of, this is ideal. But be warned, depending on the wind outside, you could blow it out of the window then it could blow right back inside. Generally speaking, if there is little to no wind, your best bet is to blow the smoke out of the top of the window rather than the bottom, because hot air rises, so by blowing it out of the bottom of the window, your smoke will rise and most likely come back into your house. To test out where the smoke will go it’s a good idea to flick your lighter on near the window and see which direction the flame goes.
Let talk methods. Depending on how you’re smoking your herb, you will get varying degrees of smoke and smell. If you use bongs or pipes for example, you will get one big hit of smoke when you exhale and that’s it. Alternatively, if you are smoking a joint, not only will you have the smoke you exhale, but the entire time that that joint is lit, it is ‘leaking’ smoke, so technically speaking if you are worried about someone smelling or seeing you smoking, bongs and pipes are more discreet thanks to their single hits of smoke. I should quickly mention that vaping may be the most discreet method to smoke, however, not everyone has a vape at their disposal.
If you are an outdoorsy stoner, Grav’s Dugout, which was recently released on Smoke Milk, is great for on-the-go tokes. This versatile piece has it all in one sleek, inconspicuous package. It has an area for your herb’s storage, a grinder, a pipe, a cleaning pin and a carry case all in one. Rather than carry around a whole heap of containers, a grinder and a pipe, you have it all in a compact design that is sure to *not* turn heads.
Nowadays there are a lot of effective ways to eliminate weed smells. There are products like the ‘sploof’ that you blow your smoke into and out the other end comes a fraction of the smoke. There are companies who make carbon filtered sploofs like the ‘Smokebuddy’, but you can easily make a crappier version of this with a toilet roll (pun intended), a dryer sheet and a rubber band.
My preferred method, is to not worry about the smoke at all until after my session, I know not everyone has the luxury of doing this, but for those of you who do, maybe these next few recommendations are more fitting for you.
Firstly, let’s explore some options that you’ll have around the house. These aren’t the most effective techniques, but they sure are better than nothing. Candles, Incense, diffusers and room sprays. Opening up a few doors and getting the airflow in and out will help things fast.
Recently I bought ‘Veil’s Odor Eliminating Spray’ from our store, which is a fragrance specifically designed to eliminate cannabis odour. Rather than masking the smell of smoke, this amazing spray breaks it down on a molecular level. The team at Veil worked with chemists who have over 30 years of experience behind them. They recommend 5-10 sprays depending on the size of the room/car! Best of all, this product is non-toxic, eco-friendly and smells of sweet orange, cracked black pepper and Virginia cedar. It really does a great job of breaking down the smell.
If you are looking for a spray with a little more POWER behind it, say for maybe... a crop of marijuana plants, this spray is 100% effective. Be warned though, this spray could more accurately be named a JET. One quick spray of this Odour Neutralising Agent is enough to cover any smell in any sized room. Check out Hydro Experts for heaps of amazing green thumb products.
Old school ways to disguise your high. After your session, you might be feeling a bit paranoid about the way you look and smell, so it’s best to have a little ‘after smoking kit’ packed with you. In this kit I would recommend some eye drops in case you’re the type to get bloodshot eyes, some gum for your smokey breath, some perfume/cologne to spritz yourself with and an excuse as to why you are acting differently or why you’ve been away. On my way home from certain escapades when I was younger, I would have a ton of questions going through my head as if my mum or dad were going to grill me when I got home; “Where have you been?” “went for a walk down to the shops” “You seem odd, you ok?” “Yeah just had a bad sleep last night/not feeling too well, think I’ll go lay down in my room” ect. I was ready for anything they threw at me, not that they ever noticed lol. If you’re interested in how my parents found out I smoke, I’d recommend reading “How my parents found out I smoke”.
I used to know a girl who sold herb from the back door of the grocer we worked at and I ain't talking about basil...we sold that from the front door. Anyway, I always wondered how I never smelt it through her bag until I saw her stash one day. She had a big ziplock bag full of coffee beans that had little bags of herb inside it. The coffee masked the smell! If you are sharing a room with someone and are worried about the smell of your raw herb, perhaps this is something you could try.
If you guys have any tips and tricks for being discreet with your weed leave them in the comments below!
Peace,
Milo
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